I don’t know about you guys, but I miss getting phone calls like these. I miss getting phone calls in general, because I’m unpopular. I also switched to a new service provider for faster Internet Service Providings and haven’t given anyone my new number. Mostly because I can’t remember it. Also, it doesn’t seem to have the same amount of numbers as a regular one. In any case, I guess I’m at least partially to blame.

I especially miss getting calls from call centers. I particularly like talking to salesmen right as I’m sitting down to dinner. I got used to eating everything cold because I’d much rather talk to someone with an accent you could use to cut birch plywood than eat. I miss the old, “Excuse me sir, are you being happy with your internet service provider of current standing?”

I’d reply with the usual. You know, “What are you wearing?” or maybe a nice, “When do you get off work? Or, “Why don’t you come over and have dinner? I can give you a nice massage after.”

It’s surprising, but very few people take me up on my offer, but I always set the table for two in case anyone changes their mind. The spaghetti may be cold, but it’s made with love — and spaghetti.