If you’re ever in rush-hour traffic, be sure to lean out the window and hold hands with anyone hanging their arm out of the driver-side window. You’ll have a nice moment together. If they immediately ram into the car in front of them in a terrified fit, you should probably lock your doors and pretend like nothing happened.

I met some of my best friends while groping people on the freeway. There some very nice police officers who let me ride around in their car once. It was a great time for the whole family.

If you ever have the time, I’d recommend hopping into the back of any parked cars on the side of the road. When the owner finally comes back to the car, you can give them a nice surprise. Everyone likes surprises. Just make sure they don’t have any NRA or Bush – Cheney 04′ bumper stickers. Trust me on this one, getting shot can be very expensive. If you can avoid it, never let anyone mag-dump a .45 automatic into your torso, because it stings like hell.