English, Fauntleroy, Do You Speak It?
Although I only have the most basic understanding of the English language, I have a deep knowledge of strange accents and styles of speaking. I can recognize and translate every accent from murmured Russian and bellowed German, to less comprehensible utterances like jive and teenager. I know you’re all probably very impressed, but I’m afraid that my abilities are not as complete as I once thought. Like many sensible, God-fearing people, I am completely bewildered by anything that comes out of the United Kingdom and Ireland; the British are mostly hopeless, the Scottish are confusing a best, and the Irish are terrifying. The whole place is an absolute mess when it comes to communication, and that is what bothers me the most. I have no idea how three places so close together have managed to invent so many dialects.
I will admit that some of the English have sorted themselves out, so you won’t need a dedicated translator on your vacation to London, but it’s a good idea to bring one with you in case you run into an Irishman:
I’m sorry — could you say that again?
2 thoughts on “English, Fauntleroy, Do You Speak It?”
I don’t know that I’ve ever seen anyone angle their head down so sharply when they talk. He looked as though he was trying to make his chin touch his collarbone. Must be necessary not just for the accent, but for the timbre. If he held his head up straight, people might mistake him for a foreigner.
Good call on the title, by the way. Literal lol.
And, you’re telling me that the people who “talk” like this REPRODUCE?!?
AMAZING!!!
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