I’m beginning to think that there’s something massively wrong with Russia and everyone in it. Every single video coming out of Russia has someone getting set on fire, exploding, falling off of a building, wrecking their car, getting beaten, being chased by animals, getting stabbed, or worse — doing parkour.

I really can’t stand parkour. Watching parkour is a vivisection of the soul. It’s like going to an elementary school recorder concert that your kid isn’t in. It’s like having to sit through Bartok and pretend to like it. Every time I see a video with the little Cyrillic letters at the top I have a panic attack. This is why both Napoleon and Hitler invaded Russia. They just wanted them to stop doing so much damn parkour. There are things in life other than parkour, you lanky weirdos.

I’ll give Russia some credit — at least they’re not Japan.

[Many thanks to the indispensable Charles Schneider for sending this one along]