The dude can take a hit, I’ll give him that much. I can’t quite tell if he’s talking like that because he’s being sarcastic, or his lungs have collapsed. There’s probably a cootie-ridden girl somewhere off screen he’s trying to impress, but he can’t fool me. That hurt. That hurt like watching your grandma try to use a computer.

He hit the ground hard enough to shatter the pelvis of any normal man. He’s a teenager, so he can get away with that sort of thing, but he shouldn’t push his luck. In another five years he might as well be a geriatric. If he pulls another move like that his spine will vacate his body and find a nice adoptive family who’ll treat it better. Until then he’ll make the best of his teenage tard-strength, by hurling himself off of things and looking sullen. God help us all if he forms a band and starts writing songs about his feelings.

Kids these days.