YOU WHAT, MATE?

YOU WHAT, MATE?

[Warning: Some unintelligible salty language]

Are you havin a giggle, mate? I swear, you are one cheeky berk, mate. One more word outta you and I’ll hook you right in the gabber. I swear on me mum I’ll turn you into toast, mate. Now shut your mouth or I’m callin in me boys and you’ll be in for a proper rumble. I’ll shank your nan outside Tescos, I will. You’ll be a right mess, ya muppet.

Oi, Oi! You better watch it, mate, or I’ll do your windys in. Be careful or I’ll have ya, ya right bastid. I’ll nick your trackies faster than your nancy face can fart. You’re a load of naff, mate, and you better watch it from now on. If I catch you gawpin again I’ll give you a right pummel. Now bugger off before I lose me temper — mate.

Chicks Dig Guys With Moose Repelling Skills

Chicks Dig Guys With Moose Repelling Skills

https://youtu.be/CIrrgmXE3Yw

When it comes to man versus nature, man wins, and he’s been winning for the last 4,000 years or so. Nature really should throw in the towel at this point. She doing her best, but it’s not like she can hurt us much. We turn every animal she sends our way into a throw rug or a rotisserie dish. All the seasons are vaguely enjoyable if you have a snow shovel, skis, and/or air conditioning. Your average pestilence just makes us buy window screens at this point. The crust of the planet needs to crack open, with red hot lava bubbling up, to even get a reaction out of us anymore.

To be honest nature never stood a chance with competition like us around. Humans are quick-witted, adventurous, and supremely gifted in the opposable thumb department. Give a fully grown man a club and he can conquer the world. Give him a six pack and he can conquer the living room. Give him a stable internet connection and he can look at sketchy videos of scantily clad women all day without tiring. Give him an iron bar, and it’s goodbye moosie.

This Guy Gets It. Bring Back the Dashboard Choke!

This Guy Gets It. Bring Back the Dashboard Choke!

Comments 5 comments

Real men of genius stuff right there. I’m not sure which aspect of it I like best. Of course the power plant that’s normally used to cut plants is sublime. The pull rope starter in the wheel well is inspired. The shower liner door panels are the shizzle. But then he goes and takes it up another notch by putting a real, live choke on the dashboard. American cars were much better when they had chrome on their fins and a choke on their dashboard. And ashtrays everywhere. You know, for your gum wrappers.

(Thanks to longtime reader and friend Johnny Glendale for sending that one along)

We’re An Американка Band

We’re An Американка Band

Comments 3 comments

Nothing beats full auto rock and roll. If the fans get rowdy you can fire a few warning shots to show that you mean business. You won’t need to hire any security, because no one will ever rush the stage. The venue owner will always pay up. No one will ever tell you to keep it down. It’s the only guitar suitable for robbing a liquor store after your gig. Groupies will be fewer and farther between, but they’ll have their hands in the air, that’s for sure.

I admit, a gold plated guitar is almost as bad as a double neck guitar, and this thing’s both. Either should be instant red flags and should be avoided by everyone other than twelve-year-old boys, and everyone that reads this site. But I also have to admit that full auto fretting is the shizzle.

Keep on rocking. The AK guitar is the perfect axe for your next Soviet Bloc party!