So That Explains It. Everyone In Russia Is A Plumber

So That Explains It. Everyone In Russia Is A Plumber


Me? I love plumbers. Anyone that can get a bowl full of finless brown trout to go away is aces in my book.

But of course many people have a love/hate relationship with plumbers. It may have something to do with their bills, which appear to consist of nothing but the biggest number a plumber can think of at any given time, regardless of the chore involved. Granted, they can’t think up a number as big as an ambulance-chasing lawyer or a vinyl siding salesman with a gold tooth, but they do pretty fair for guys with tenth-grade educations.

But bills aside, it’s the plumbers’ belief that “wood is strong” that usually gets everyone’s goats. “Don’t worry, wood is strong” is uttered by all plumbers just before they whip out a sawzall and cut out half your floor framing in order to get in a drain trap for you second floor bath remodel. They hack halfway through the carrying beam for the house to get in a tiny copper line for your icemaker. And whenever a homeowner questions them about removing enough wood for a high school pep rally bonfire just to plumb a sink, they all answer in unison, “Don’t worry, wood is strong.”

Or in this case, Не волнуйтесь, дерево является сильным!

[Thanks to Charles Schneider for sending that one along]

If God Were A Lumberjack, He’d Get Pointers From This Guy

If God Were A Lumberjack, He’d Get Pointers From This Guy

I’m a veteran of the YouTube Wars. I’ve seen things you people wouldn’t believe. Attack spam on fire in the comments at Freddie Wong’s. I watched Russian Dashcam wrecks glitter in the dark near the Wimp.com Gate. All those moments will be lost in time, like Numa Numa dance remixes, or tears in rain.

Like I said, I’ve seen most everything. But I’ve never seen a lumberjack that healed one of his patients. Must be a tree surgeon.

Well, At Least His Parents Can Look On The Bright Side

Well, At Least His Parents Can Look On The Bright Side

I firmly believe there’s a bright side to any situation.

Now don’t get me wrong. Not for me, so much. If it was raining soup, I’d bring a fork. But for most people, every cloud has a sliver lining. Every thunderstorm brings the sun. Every winter has its spring. Except this last one, of course.

No, this fine young lad’s parents should look on the bright side. Their idiot son is standing on one hand acting like a fool on the Intertunnel where everyone can see him. But they can sleep peacefully at night, serene in the knowledge that at least he isn’t a mime.

[Thanks to Gerard at American Digest, who has chunks of mimes in his stool, for sending that one along]

Like. A. BOSS

Like. A. BOSS


Marvelous. But a bit worrisome, though.

The man’s a BOSS. No question. But around a BOSS, it’s wise to exercise some caution. If this video is any indication, he doesn’t know how to turn the BOSS volume down during regular life. He has no regular life.

If you’re a maternity room nurse, you’re not going to hand this kind of BOSS a baby. He might spike it and do an end zone crazy-legs dance. He’d do it like a BOSS, but still. The guy at the car wash that tells everyone to pull forward better be en garde, I tell you what. Same thing at the Jiffy Lube. God help you if you’re directly in front or behind him at the self -checkout line at the supermarket. Look out for flying food.

And safe sex, for a guy like this? That just means you move the bed away from the wall so you don’t get a concussion.

[Thanks to Charles Schneider for sending that one along]