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If All Your Friends Strapped Cameras To Themselves And Jumped Off A Building Would You Do It Too?

September 5, 2014 aubuchon

Many of you may not know this, but people did interesting things before Go Pro cameras were invented. Great adventures were had by great adventurers and there was no one there to tape it. People took risks without having a hundred bystanders crawling under up their nose with camera phones waiting for them to fall down in an amusing way, and I don’t think they minded.

This video is refreshing because it seems to just be a guy doing his thing. I guarantee you he does crap like this every day for giggles and this is the first time anyone told him to film it. People like this fellow don’t need any incentive to push themselves to the edge. They do it for the same reasons a normal person takes a dump; it needs to be done so they do it.

(Many thanks to Charles Schneider for sending this one along)

Flying Is Just Incompetent Falling

September 4, 2014 aubuchon

Flying goes against everything a human is meant to do. You have to be really bad at everything to be able to fly. You would have to be the sort of person who ate the gum off the bottom of their desk and called the teacher mommy in grammar school to fly. It seems like they don’t get the concept it all. We’re here on the ground with an obvious lack of wings or flying ability of any sort, and somehow there are still people who forget that gravity exists. Someone should offer night classes or something on how to not fly, or run a PSA about the dangers of jumping off cliffs.

(Many thanks to Gerard at American Digest for passing this one along)

SpongeBob Isn’t Going To Take Your Crap, Dude

September 3, 2014 aubuchon

When you get your ass handed to you by SpongeBob and Mickey Mouse you really need to rethink you life choices.

It’s sort of like an intervention, but with more blood and pummeling and less talking about your feelings. The universe is telling you to stop hitting golf balls off the top of your dreary apartment complex into the equally dreary kindergarten next door. It may have seemed like a good idea at the time, but the bad karma associated with assaulting toddlers with sporting equipment is comparable to a minor war crime. If this guy doesn’t stop whatever it is he’s doing to upset the universe, Felix the Cat is going to rise from the nether and blow off his kneecaps with a 12 gauge.

God help him if Tweety Bird gets involved; they’ll be finding bits of him on the side of the highway for the next decade.

(Many thanks to the one and only Charles Schneider for sending this along.)

If I Ran The Circus…

September 2, 2014 aubuchon

… I’d bring down the house — literally.

There would be no survivors. There would be no mercy. I’d make Genghis Khan look like the cross-dressing, girly, pony-obsessed dweeb he was. If Stalin saw my circus he’d tell me to seek professional help then slowly back out of the room. Cats and dogs would rain from the heavens and fire and brimstone would rise from the Earth. There would be blood, and pain, as you cannot imagine.

But other than that we’d have a lovely time.