Did You Ever Have One Of Those Days…

Did You Ever Have One Of Those Days…

You know; you wake up in the morning and seven ninjas leap from the shadows and throw pies in your face. That sort of day. It doesn’t get any better from there either. You go to the bathroom and find another group of pie-flinging ninjas waiting for you. You have to soldier on, but damn, where are all these ninjas coming from? Where did they get all of these pies? Why is this happening to me? How many puppies did I maim in a past life to get to this moment?

The day goes on and you have to at least try to get on with your routine, but you really can’t. The ninjas are always there with their infinite pies ready to pounce on you at any second. It’s a constant bombardment of disappointment at all times and you’re stuck right in the sticky center — but you have to keep going. Those pie precipitating pieces of poo have to move along eventually. Time heals all wounds, and whatever. 

Time won’t get that pie out of the carpet though, you might want to pick that up before it starts to soak in.

À Bout De Soufflé

À Bout De Soufflé

I don’t know what could have possibly happened to make this guy so sad, but I’m sorry his loss.

If the video was in black and white and in French I would have assumed it was simply some garbage from La Nouvelle Vague and dismissed it immediately, but it’s obviously of the current times, so it demands my attention. Is he ashamed of his work? Is his wife sleeping with the milkman, and the mailman, and the garbage man, and the plumber, and the neighbor, and the other neighbor? Is his dog dead? There are so many things we may never know in our lifetime, but this weighs on me the heaviest.

Maybe they make him eat the food he cooks and that’s why he’s so depressed.

Coincidentally, NERF Guns And Mandals Is The Name Of My INXS Tribute Band

Coincidentally, NERF Guns And Mandals Is The Name Of My INXS Tribute Band

Even nerds become dads at some point. After a while they have to put down the vidya games and anime long enough to procreate. It’s rare, I know, but it happens. They have the same emotions and needs as functioning humans, so try to be nice. We all have dreams of saving the princess from an awful fate at the hands of a warty, disfigured villain, taking her back to our castle and jumping her bones ad infinitum. I just prefer to do it in real life and with less Latin.

But when nerd love does happen it’s a beautiful thing. The sight of two sweaty, nervous, zitty basement dwellers fawning over each other while reading Klingon poetry brings a tear to my eye. It causes such an explosion of emotions inside me I feel obliged to go kick sand in their faces. It’s the natural order of things.

(Many thanks to Gerard at American Digest for shooting this our way)

Competitive Triangle Climbing Sweeps Nation, Takes Out Trash, Walks Dog

Competitive Triangle Climbing Sweeps Nation, Takes Out Trash, Walks Dog

I have a theory that you can put dubstep in the background of anything and make it into a YouTube sensation. Not that there’s anything wrong with competitive triangle climbing. I’m just saying that our brains have been programmed to react to certain audio cues regardless of what’s happening on camera. It’s like a Pavlovian response, except Pavlov never dropped a bass in his life. A video like this simply wouldn’t have the same effect if Debussy was sawing away in the background. It would be a much more pleasant and surreal video, but not front page of the Intertunnel material.

I suggest that we test my theory in some way. If we take a sport that seems outwardly tedious and layer on a little bit of dubstep will anyone notice? Will people find the sport more interesting than it actually is? Can we use this knowledge to make baseball, soccer, and golf watchable while sober? Nah, probably not. You’ll never be able to make soccer interesting under any circumstance.