BSBFB

I heard a rumor that Koreans were aggressive drivers, but I don’t think I could have possibly prepared myself for this. You can absolutely count me out of anything that involves boxing, Judo, and food preparation. Call me a sissy if you like, but these guys look hardcore, and I’m about as hardcore as a sea sponge with asthma.

I bet this wouldn’t happen in the peaceful rolling hills of North Korea. It’s sunny every day in North Korea, and the people are just as friendly as the weather. Nothing bad ever happens in North Korea — ever. Of course, no one actually has any cars, and even if they did they couldn’t move around or go anywhere, bit it’s the thought that counts. At least you’d be safe from roving vans full of street toughs who will leap from their vehicle and cut your cabbage at the slightest provocation.

Drunken Throng Rampages Through City, Repairs Bike Rack, Remodels Kitchen

November 22, 2014 aubuchon

Pfft — kids these days; going out and fixing things instead of staying home and drinking alone while basking in the warm glow of the television.

What a bunch of amateurs. These are the kind of people who go out for a night of hard drinking, and wake up the next day in a newly constructed breakfast nook that somehow appeared in their kitchen where a wall used to be. Absolutely shameful. I bet they didn’t even get a permit to fix that bike rack; the city council will be furious.

What’s next next for these hoodlums? Are they going to go around fixing leaky faucets? Are they going to bake a nice loaf of bread, and have it ready for the next morning? Are they going to walk their girlfriends home, and then go back to their apartment to get a good night’s rest? They’re so vicious and unpredictable I can scarcely imagine what they could be planning. God help us all if they get their hands on power tools — they might start building things they’ll regret the next morning .

What Do You Call A Professional Archer Without A Girlfriend? Homeless.

November 21, 2014 aubuchon

There seems to be a bit of a fetish for archery in modern media, and I’m getting pretty sick of it. They’re pellet guns for people who don’t want to offend anyone by owning a gun. Not even a real gun, mind you; if any of them ever saw a real gun they’d faint like a southern belle with a touch of the vapors.

I know it’s a supposed to be a manly-men-doing-manly-stuff-for-men video, but I’m just not seeing it. Everything from the soundtrack to their spiffy little outfits seems to be effeminized to the point of no return. I know that picking on the warmed-over modern-dance-country-alt-rock-polka that they have playing in the background might seem like overkill, but it’s really representative of what I’m trying to get at. The whole thing looks like a commercial for a pickup truck — and not a very good pickup truck at that. I feel like they’re going to try and sell me Viagra in a moment, because that’s what comes on immediately after the pickup truck ads. It’s bad enough that they’re limp-wristed, but I’d prefer it if they kept their other limp extremities to themselves.

Notthatthere’sanythingwrongwiththat

(Many thanks to the indispensable Charles Schneider for sending this, and many others, our way)

We Come From A Land Down Under…

November 19, 2014 aubuchon

… where people don’t have enough sense not to grab handfuls of poisonous snakes. At least he’s wearing pants, but that’s all you can hope for at this point. If you’re expecting any sort of comprehensible speech I’m afraid you’re watching videos from the wrong continent. Understanding an Australian takes years of experience, and it should not be attempted at home. You might suffer permanent brain damage, or worse: develop an Australian accent yourself.