Pfft — kids these days; going out and fixing things instead of staying home and drinking alone while basking in the warm glow of the television.

What a bunch of amateurs. These are the kind of people who go out for a night of hard drinking, and wake up the next day in a newly constructed breakfast nook that somehow appeared in their kitchen where a wall used to be. Absolutely shameful. I bet they didn’t even get a permit to fix that bike rack; the city council will be furious.

What’s next next for these hoodlums? Are they going to go around fixing leaky faucets? Are they going to bake a nice loaf of bread, and have it ready for the next morning? Are they going to walk their girlfriends home, and then go back to their apartment to get a good night’s rest? They’re so vicious and unpredictable I can scarcely imagine what they could be planning. God help us all if they get their hands on power tools — they might start building things they’ll regret the next morning .