That’s All Well And Good, But What Happens When He Punches You In The Face?

That’s All Well And Good, But What Happens When He Punches You In The Face?

My name is Rex, and if you study with my eight-week program you will learn a system of self defense that I developed over two season of fighting in the octagon. It’s called Rex Kwon Do!

At Rex Kwan Do, we use the buddy system. No more flying solo. You need somebody watching your back at all times. Second off, you’re gonna learn to discipline your image. You think I got where I am today because I dressed like Peter Pan over here? Take a look at what I’m wearing, people. You think anybody wants a roundhouse kick to the face while I’m wearing these bad boys? Forget about it. Last off, my students will learn about self respect. You think anybody thinks I’m a failure because I go home to Starla at night? Forget about it! Now, for only $300 you can sign up right now — for my eight-week program.

Or you can buy a bat-suit and let your friends beat the hell out of you for giggles.

Pop An Ollie On That Gnarly Spill, Bruh

Pop An Ollie On That Gnarly Spill, Bruh


It’s okay, I don’t know what the title means either. I was trying to be like those hip skateboarder dudes, but it didn’t work. I think that’s how they talk, I’m not really sure. My friends are the only reference I have and they can barely speak English let alone skater-English. They typically communicate through grunts and gesticulations, so writing it down in a readable format is borderline impossible. Other than the occasional bruh, dude, and chah, not too many words are exchanged.

I just wanted to hang out with the cool kids. I used to be a cool kid, but it was way too much work, so I stopped. Going outside is a prerequisite of being cool nowadays, so I want nothing to do with it. I’d rather acquire coolness by proxy from the much cooler people I hang out with. They all flock to me because I’m so utterly uncool I’ve come full circle and I’m hip again.While we’re all hanging out I siphon off their cool, which elevates me to an untouchable realm of hip that defies description. I’m immediately transformed into their leader even though I’m socially incompetent on every level. I’m simply a vampire that steals everything that isn’t nailed down and regurgitates it in a slightly different form.

This is probably what it’s like to be a politician.

Hey Beavis — I Hate YouTube Videos That Suck

Hey Beavis — I Hate YouTube Videos That Suck

(Warning: Some salty language, maybe. I couldn’t really tell.)

I don’t know how skateboards work, nor do I care to find out, but I know why the hipsters are getting their panties in a bundle. Even a casual observer can see that Wal-Mart skateboards suck your granny’s pond water through a gnarly straw. They’ve left the Earth’s orbit and voyaged into a brave new world of sucking that envelops the cosmos. They’re not very good. Then again, I wouldn’t expect them to be very good, so I don’t know what the problem is. What? You want the wheels to spin forwards and backward? What are you, some kind of rank amateur? That’s nothing that a little WD40 can’t fix, and I’m sure the boards would be less prone to breaking if you didn’t chuck them at the ground every few minutes. Again, I don’t have anything to compare it to. Maybe the boards aren’t supposed to break when smashed.

The fellows did a followup video some time later, which is equally as amusing and vaguely informative:
Who would have thought that a lone group of skateboarders would band together to cast off the shackles of unbeatable prices that hold the populous in a state of skateboard purgatory. Our evil, corporate, fat-cat overloads never saw it coming — or maybe they did and simply didn’t care.

Japanese Schoolgirls Make Everything Better

Japanese Schoolgirls Make Everything Better


OK Go has a long history of making great music videos out of alright songs. They’re not bad songs, just alright.

I will freely admit to listening to a few OK Go songs on my own accord, but it doesn’t go much further than that. I’ve never owned a full OK Go album, and I’ve never felt compelled to. I know they come out with an album ever couple years, but they’ve all flown under the radar for me. Every once and a while they make an awesome YouTube video out of one of their newest songs, and that’s the last that I’ll hear from them for a year or more. I’ll throw a couple OK Go songs into heavy rotation on my media player for about a week, and then they’ll get supplanted by another artist. It’s nothing personal, just business. No one’s listening to the songs anyways, it’s all about the videos.

OK Go without the videos is just ok. I’m sure they’d still have a wide fanbase full of dedicated listeners, but their YouTube videos make them into a force to be reckoned with. Their videos are interstellar, man. If they Beatles had someone making videos like this for them, Paul McCartney would be emperor of the Galaxy instead of an ex-member of Wings.