It’s okay, I don’t know what the title means either. I was trying to be like those hip skateboarder dudes, but it didn’t work. I think that’s how they talk, I’m not really sure. My friends are the only reference I have and they can barely speak English let alone skater-English. They typically communicate through grunts and gesticulations, so writing it down in a readable format is borderline impossible. Other than the occasional bruh, dude, and chah, not too many words are exchanged.

I just wanted to hang out with the cool kids. I used to be a cool kid, but it was way too much work, so I stopped. Going outside is a prerequisite of being cool nowadays, so I want nothing to do with it. I’d rather acquire coolness by proxy from the much cooler people I hang out with. They all flock to me because I’m so utterly uncool I’ve come full circle and I’m hip again.While we’re all hanging out I siphon off their cool, which elevates me to an untouchable realm of hip that defies description. I’m immediately transformed into their leader even though I’m socially incompetent on every level. I’m simply a vampire that steals everything that isn’t nailed down and regurgitates it in a slightly different form.

This is probably what it’s like to be a politician.