https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c9PNkgv6QTI
Way out in East there was this fella — fella I wanna tell ya about. Fella by the name of чувак. At least that was the handle his loving parents gave him, but he never had much use for it himself. The чувак, he called himself the чувак. Now, чувак — that’s a name no one would self-apply where I come from. But then there was a lot about the чувак that didn’t make a whole lot of sense. And a lot about where he lived, likewise.
Trust me, I watch the history channel; I know that it’s definitely aliens. It’s unequivocally aliens. There is no answer other than aliens. If this was a multiple choice test all the answers would be aliens.
Now that I’ve strongly expressed my opinions on the matter of aliens, it’s time for me to backpedal and go into the fetal position. It’s probably not aliens. When you look to the stars and see nothing staring back at you except for a poorly drawn ladle, then it’s probably not aliens. When your crops are defaced by giant flying saucers, then it’s probably not aliens. When democrats revert to their reptilian form, and devour their secretary whole, then who cares if it was aliens? Run away before they notice you’re there.
I have a really big problem, because I like talking to telemarketers and customer service. I like to give them a call every once in a while to see what’s up with them. I ask about their family, kids, etc. Usually they ask me to stop calling, and say something about contacting the police, but I ignore about 99 percent of what people say to me anyways.
I’d say that my most frequent encounters with customer service happen when I have to call my insurance company to file a claim. It happens a lot more often than you’d imagine, and I’m sure you can imagine it happening a lot.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?t=96&v=-EDiQXhYIKY
I watched Star Wars once, I think. I can remember some of the famous lines like: these are definitely the droids you’re looking for, mays the forces be withs yous, and beam me up, Scotty. Yes, I remember now. I watched all the Star Wars movies in one sitting after being immobilized due to a bad accident. My bottom had to be placed in a large, stainless steel butt cast, which kept me in bed for about a month. I call it an accident, but it was a lot more complicated than that. I got my butt kicked after telling the wrong person that I didn’t particularly like Sultans of Swing. The cast had a large hatch, so I could go poop, but the zipper didn’t work very well.