Sparrows Go In, Who Cares Where They Come Out?

Sparrows Go In, Who Cares Where They Come Out?

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That’s not my department, says Charles Darwin. It doesn’t rhyme, but it’s close enough.

Birds are enormously stupid. I’ve felt this way for a long time, but I never thought I’d have the chance to express my deepest emotions regarding birds. I know that isn’t politically correct to say anything negative about birds, but they really have it coming this time. Want to know why I think they’re so hideously, absurdly idiotic? The darn thing says trap right on the front and they still fly into it. Absolutely disgusting.

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Bang Bang, Shoot Shoot

Bang Bang, Shoot Shoot

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Happiness is a warm gun, and all that jazz. I’ve never been a fan of that song. It seemed rather aimless, and like it completely misses the point. While you can say the same about my blog posts, a Beatles song shouldn’t fall victim to aimlessness. I’m much more fond of Rocky Raccoon, anyways.

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If You Listen Closely, You Can Hear Pipeline Playing In The Distance

If You Listen Closely, You Can Hear Pipeline Playing In The Distance

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He’s in the middle of the water, yet he’s wearing a helmet. I’m not sure what he thinks he’s going to hit his head on. Maybe the helmet is keeping his shattered skull together after a failed attempt at a different stunt, but it’s still quite confusing. Why a helmet and not a life jacket? That seems much more practical. While being practical isn’t my strong suit, I can usually identify, target, and hunt down the practical. Then again, having an aquatic dirt bike isn’t exactly the most practical thing in the world.

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I Don’t Want One Of These

I Don’t Want One Of These

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5nZQZya7nA8

I want to recommend these to my family and friends, but I do not want one. I want to get one for my wife who doesn’t exist yet, and all of my children who will not exist for several decades. I want to get elected to local office, so I can decree that every citizen gets one. I want to load an AC-130 full of flamethrowers and launch them into every home on the North American Continent. I want to conquer other countries and use their resources to make even more flamethrowers for my own nefarious purposes.

I don’t want one of these things — I want two of these, in case one is in the shop

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