All Around Me Are Familiar Faces

All Around Me Are Familiar Faces

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(Warning: some salty language)

I don’t think there are enough cooking channels. Think about it — every other type of channel has 10 spinoff channels. MTV has an unholy army of different channels that all play reruns of My Super Sweet Sixteen, 16 and Pregnant, and Celebrity 16 and Pregnant. Why can’t we have a cooking channel completely dedicated to sad cooking shows? I’d watch the hell out of that, and I know a lot of other people feel the same way. This guy could get his own show, and it could be followed by a 30 minute segment of Paula Deen eating a stick of butter while crying into an open vat of pure, steaming lard.

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The Swiss Aren’t As Neutral As They Used To Be

The Swiss Aren’t As Neutral As They Used To Be

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My name is Max Power, and if you study with my eight-week program you will learn a system of pleasing all the ladies that I developed over two seasons of making hot chicks teeter on the edge of hysteria. It’s called Max Power Kwon Do! After one week with me in my eight-week program, you’ll be prepared to defend your airspace with the strength of a grizzly, the reflexes of a puma, and the wisdom of a man.

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The Love Master Knows Cranes

The Love Master Knows Cranes

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The Love Master Knows Cranes. That’s a given. You know the Germans always make good stuff. But what are they hiding?

What is it with the Germans and tank treads? It’s like they always have a trip to Moscow in the snow on their minds. Summer in Warsaw. That sort of thing. And calling yourselves the “Love Master” on the side of your, ahem — cranes —  isn’t fooling anyone. The whole “master” thing smacks of Ilsa the She-Wolf of the SS kinda attitude. It just doesn’t sound like smooching and holding hands and all that jazz.

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In The Beginning The Universe Was Created. This Has Made A Lot Of People Very Angry And Been Widely Regarded As A Bad Move.

In The Beginning The Universe Was Created. This Has Made A Lot Of People Very Angry And Been Widely Regarded As A Bad Move.

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People of Earth, your attention, please. This is Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz of the Galactic Hyperspace Planning Council. As you will no doubt be aware, the plans for development of the outlying regions of the Galaxy require the building of a hyperspatial express route through your star system. And regrettably, your planet is one of those scheduled for demolition. The process will take slightly less than two of your Earth minutes. Thank you.

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