Oh, the humanity. Those whales were only trying to help. Why wouldn’t those people listen? They could have been saved. It’s such a shame that another young couple has fallen victim to the Deadly Kayaks of Deadly Doom.
Back in my day, we used to hit each other with plastic bags full of rocks, broken glass, and steel beer cans. We didn’t have any of this fancy, padded crap. You call yourselves vikings? Well — I think you’re calling yourselves vikings. I don’t speak viking, so I couldn’t tell you, but I am very disappointed. I bet these guys don’t even pack pebbles into their snowballs. Pikers.
A large group of Russian soldiers crossing the Finnish border area in 1939 were moving down a road when they heard a voice from behind a small hill:
“One Finnish soldier is better than ten Russian!”
The Russian commander quickly ordered 10 of his best men to go over the hill. A vicious gun-battle broke out and continued for a few minutes, and then there was silence.
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. I remember those innocent years fondly. George Bush was president, gas cost about $2.50 a gallon, and Bud Light was still considered potable. The only riots we had were over sports championships, Capri Sun shortages, and the proper way to wear a golf visor. I killed a man with a soup spoon and a small package of flavoring that I got out of a box of ramen noodles because he insisted on wearing his visor upside-down and backwards. I regret nothing.