Back in my day, we used to hit each other with plastic bags full of rocks, broken glass, and steel beer cans. We didn’t have any of this fancy, padded crap. You call yourselves vikings? Well — I think you’re calling yourselves vikings. I don’t speak viking, so I couldn’t tell you, but I am very disappointed.  I bet these guys don’t even pack pebbles into their snowballs. Pikers.

Back in my day, we didn’t have any fancy costumes either. Our regular clothes weren’t anything special, either. Most of the time we had to make do with hand-me downs that Goodwill rejected. Sometimes, I wouldn’t change my underwear for months on end, but that’s just a personal preference.