In Soviet Russia, Nuke Fixes Disaster!
Boris, what are you doing now? Have you been drinking too many of your state-issued vodka rations again? I will have to report you to the proper authorities if you don’t stop. That vodka is for your whole family. Don’t turn into a greedy, capitalist, fat-cat, pig-dog. Make sure that little Ivan and young Диана get their vodka and potatoes every morning before they go to their labor camps.
But Boris, tell me what you are doing. Bomb does not go in the ground, Boris. That is waste of good bomb. Bomb goes in plane, Boris. Do you know what plane is, Boris? I do not expect a simple man of the people to understand, but please stop using our glorious country’s limited supply of nuclear weapons to fix every problem you come across. Although your method has worked on many occasions, it has failed just as many times. Remember Chernobyl? I do. You didn’t fix Chernobyl, Boris, it’s gone now.