Oh, the humanity. Those whales were only trying to help. Why wouldn’t those people listen? They could have been saved. It’s such a shame that another young couple has fallen victim to the Deadly Kayaks of Deadly Doom.

Unless people stay away from the Deadly Kayaks of Deadly Doom, I don’t know how we can stop the slaughter. Every day, millions of people die from exposure to Deadly Kayaks of Deadly Doom, and the newspapers remain silent, the Deadly Kayak Companies of Deadly Doom continue producing their villainous product, and the world spins madly onward. Even whales have tried reaching out to stop be violence, but nothing can be done to stop the Deadly Kayaks of Deadly Doom. God help us all.