Of course you have to hum the superb Mission Impossible theme in your head as you’re watching this excellent Mission Impossible stop motion video to get the full effect. The theme from the TV show. As I recall, the Mission Impossible theme song was the only entertaining thing about the Mission Impossible TV show. Oh, and the self-destructing tape recorder was pretty cool. And Barbara Bain’s hair never moved. That was pretty interesting. And Peter Graves had that kind of a stentorian voice that made you wonder if he liked gladiator movies, long before Airplane, the Movie. Hey, you know, that show wasn’t really that bad.
If you ride around in your chair with a Sprint phone, you have the right of way. It’s the law. OK, maybe it isn’t a law. Maybe it’s just a rule. OK, it’s probably not a rule, either, but just sort of a guideline. Alright, maybe it doesn’t really qualify as a guideline, like driving on the right side of the road or never stepping on the cracks to avoid breaking your mother’s back. All I know is if you’ve got some sort of a Sprint phone, you can go wherever you want and you won’t get into any traffic issues. Plus, if you ride around in a chair, then it’s “finders keepers” for you, pal. You can steal a random basketball from the park, for example, and add it to your furniture entourage. You’re even legally allowed to use your black magic to turn it into a globe.
Apparently the only thing your Sprint phone can’t do is keep Sprint from getting swallowed by T-Mobile. I’m not sure if they get to keep the chairs.
I’m not sure I approve of the recipes in this video. At first it’s all leather and doilies. The last time I saw that volume of leather and doilies in public was a Stevie Nicks music video back in the nineties. I was really wasted on Zima, as was the style at the time, but I vaguely remember acres of doily and leather, and the sound of a sheep bleating. The nineties was a sad time indeed.
Well, it may have been pretty bleak back in the nineties, but at least we didn’t have to eat our sporting equipment. There was a scrunchie outbreak, followed by a jellies epidemic. People sprouted fanny pack buboes. Collars were popped. Drew Barrymore had some sort of career for some reason that escapes me. Girls wore Guess jeans that had pockets riding so high on the torso that they could get toll change out with their teeth. Shoulder pads turned ladies shirts into yield signs.
People watched basketball on TV instead of football back then. I don’t remember basketball all that clearly anymore, but if memory serves, it involves smacking a circus geek name Shaquille on the arm and then seeing how many balls he could lob into the stands while men with acromegaly stand on stripes on either side of him. I’m ashamed to admit I never did figure out how they kept score. No matter how many times he heaved it, the scoreboard never changed, so it was hard to follow. Football today is much easier to understand. Everyone that hasn’t belted a girl in an elevator yet lines up on the fifty yard line, and the quarterback heaves a pass out of bounds. Then men dressed like jail inmates put the ball on the one yard line because someone looked at someone else funny, and touchdown records are broken.
Hell, maybe we should eat the equipment.
It’s surprisingly easy to get people to jump off of a cliff these days. No one went over kicking and screaming. Everyone was surprisingly calm. Naturally, there was a little screaming, but that sort of thing happens no matter how willing you are. It’s like when you’re popping a balloon, and you know it’s going to happen, but it still gives you a little fright. Personally, I find that to be unbearable.