I’m not sure I approve of the recipes in this video. At first it’s all leather and doilies. The last time I saw that volume of leather and doilies in public was a Stevie Nicks music video back in the nineties. I was really wasted on Zima, as was the style at the time, but I vaguely remember acres of doily and leather, and the sound of a sheep bleating. The nineties was a sad time indeed.

Well, it may have been pretty bleak back in the nineties, but at least we didn’t have to eat our sporting equipment. There was a scrunchie outbreak, followed by a jellies epidemic. People sprouted fanny pack buboes. Collars were popped. Drew Barrymore had some sort of career for some reason that escapes me. Girls wore Guess jeans that had pockets riding so high on the torso that they could get toll change out with their teeth.  Shoulder pads turned ladies shirts into yield signs.

People watched basketball on TV instead of football back then. I don’t remember basketball all that clearly anymore, but if memory serves, it involves smacking a circus geek name Shaquille on the arm and then seeing how many balls he could lob into the stands while men with acromegaly stand on stripes on either side of him. I’m ashamed to admit I never did figure out how they kept score. No matter how many times he heaved it, the scoreboard never changed, so it was hard to follow. Football today is much easier to understand. Everyone that hasn’t belted a girl in an elevator yet lines up on the fifty yard line, and the quarterback heaves a pass out of bounds. Then men dressed like jail inmates put the ball on the one yard line because someone looked at someone else funny, and touchdown records are broken.

Hell, maybe we should eat the equipment.