reckless behavior Archives - Page 7 of 26

I Don’t Know What To Say Anymore

February 22, 2015 aubuchon

The commies have officially broken me. I don’t know how I’m going to live with myself after this. There’s too much going on for me to even describe how I feel. It’s like the Hindenburg all over again. Oh, the humanity! Saying this is the worst thing I’ve ever witnessed is an understatement. I’d avert my eyes, but the images have been burned into my retinas. I don’t know what’s happening, I don’t want to know, and I hope no one will ever tell me.

If the video wasn’t recorded using a potato running at one frame per hour, then I might have had a shot at actually figuring out what’s going on. Even then I don’t think I’d have any real chance. Too much has gone wrong in the world. We’ve gone past the point of no return. It’s only downhill from here. My confusion is palpable. Why is that man being run over by a half track? Why does he have a torch? Why did he set that half track on fire? Why did that flaming man decide to take a nap? Please send help, I need an adult.

Jackass: Pripyat Edition

February 17, 2015 aubuchon

Remember kids, don’t try this at home — or do. If you have a bulletproof helmet that needs testing, then go for it. I won’t stop you. I’m not your real dad.

This ain’t Sesame Street; we’re adults here. If you want to shoot your friend in the head, that’s your business. Just make sure that your friend doesn’t mind being shot in the face and you should be fine. It’s especially helpful if he doesn’t die immediately after being shot in the head, because that would make it slightly illegal in some places. I don’t know what the laws are like in Russia, so he might get a pass, but if you’re in the US of A be very careful when shooting your friends in the face.

I won’t tell you what to do, but I do advise taking some cautionary measures. Make sure that the bulletproof helmet is actually bulletproof before testing it on yourself. While that might take some of the fun out of the testing process, it will significantly improve your chance of living long enough to see your helmet go into production. Also, make sure that your friend knows what he’s shooting at. If you’re testing a helmet one day and body armor the next, make sure you get everything straightened out beforehand. Nothing ruins a bulletproof helmet test like being shot in the stomach.

Gordon Ramsay Has Officially Lost His Marbles

January 28, 2015 aubuchon

I don’t know what sent him careening over the edge, but there’s no turning back now. Years of trying to fix restaurants full of ugly customers and even uglier waitstaff has finally taken its toll. Not only has he started destroying fast-food, he seems to have started destroying everything. I mean, take a look at this:

Wait a second, that’s not Gordon Ramsay — that’s just some guy who’s fond of eggs molesting food and anything else he can get his hands on. Yes, Gordon Ramsay does the same thing, but at least he has a TV show. That gives him at least some air of legitimacy. This fellow just crushes everything — which is precisely why I’d much rather watch How To Basic instead of anything Ramsay’s put his name on. Gordon’s gone too far from his roots. His shows aren’t about yelling and smashing plates anymore; they’re all about cooking, which is the last thing we all want to see. We want to see more of this: