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Category: reckless behavior

Where Do Hamsters Go For Spring Break?

Where Do Hamsters Go For Spring Break?


Hamsterdam!

That’s a joke, you’re supposed to laugh. Granted, it wasn’t a very good joke, but I gave it a shot. If you’re not sure what I’m getting at, the human hamster wheel in the video should be a dead giveaway. Although, I’ve never seen a hamster wheel that can make other hamsters face-plant and then grind their heads into the ground the way this one does. It’s like the first scene of Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark with more carnage, dead college students, and lawsuits. Since the video is on YouTube and not LiveLeak, we can gather that no one got seriously injured, but some people will have interesting bruises when they finish.

I’d say that this is exactly the behavior that we approve of over here at the BSBFB. If I was there, I’d be in the hamster wheel running over every hapless bystander who dared cross my path. I would get such a kick out of running everyone over it would start to get weird. Then again, that’s why I’m not allowed to drive my Mom’s car anymore.

It’s All Fun And Games Until Someone Shows Up With A Chainsaw

It’s All Fun And Games Until Someone Shows Up With A Chainsaw


I can’t ice skate, I’ve never felt obliged to ice-skate, and I don’t think I will ever ice skate. I will, however, ice chainsaw any day.

I don’t know what it is about ice skating that turns me off, but I get the overwhelming urge to stay away from ice skating and people who ice skate. When it’s cold enough for there to be ice, I tend to stay inside because I’m not insane. I live in a place where you can get frostbite from walking to your mailbox, so I like to spend my time indoors. Ice skating just seems like it would be a lot more trouble than it’s worth. First of all, you have to go outside, which is always a massive drawback. If I could build an ice rink somewhere in my house I would consider using it once in a blue moon, but if I had an indoor ice rink I could easily have had an indoor, heated swimming pool instead. Along with environmental issues, any form of skating is too much work, and everyone will think you’re a pansy. Ice skating isn’t exactly a masculine pastime.

I’d much prefer to ice chainsaw instead of ice skating. The thrill of zooming around will get your blood pumping enough to combat the cold, the chainsaw does all the work, so you can focus on staying upright, and no one will make fun of you because you’re swinging around a chainsaw like Leatherface on speed. Bringing a chainsaw is actually recommended for most ice-based events — I think the Tonya Harding incident would have turned out very differently if Nancy Kerrigan’s routine incorporated a chainsaw.

(Many thanks to our good friend Charles Schneider for sending this one our way)

And Now, The Moment You’ve All Been Waiting For…

And Now, The Moment You’ve All Been Waiting For…


Here’s all the nonlethal crashes from a variety of different races at the Nurburgring. Now you don’t need to pretend to like racing to see the crashes. You don’t need to watch a minute of actual racing to get to the juicy bits. All the juicy bits have been arranged here for your viewing pleasure — you’re welcome.

I like the crashes where they’re driving their mother’s hatchback in a straight line, and then somehow manage to spin out. All the ones with real race cars are good too, but there’s a certain charm to watching a Fiat Panda go careening into a wall. To be honest, the smaller the car, the more entertaining I find its demise. Along with that, I love when they’re not going very fast. It takes skill to completely oversteer and spin out when you’re going 10 MPH. Don’t even get me started on the motorcycles. Watching someone take a nasty spill off a slow-moving motorcycle fills me with childish glee

Normally, I’d say that there is something deeply wrong with me, but I know that everyone wants to watch crashes just as much as I do. It’s revenge for every time a car drove by your house at 2 AM, going 120 MPH, and blasting crap music. It’s a great way to let out all your pent up aggression. The same concept works for a lot of different things. After this I’m going to go watch a montage of Gordon Ramsey screaming at amateur chefs because I went to a restaurant once and my steak arrived a bit cold. Justice is served and karmic balance is restored to the universe.

Pop An Ollie On That Gnarly Spill, Bruh

Pop An Ollie On That Gnarly Spill, Bruh


It’s okay, I don’t know what the title means either. I was trying to be like those hip skateboarder dudes, but it didn’t work. I think that’s how they talk, I’m not really sure. My friends are the only reference I have and they can barely speak English let alone skater-English. They typically communicate through grunts and gesticulations, so writing it down in a readable format is borderline impossible. Other than the occasional bruh, dude, and chah, not too many words are exchanged.

I just wanted to hang out with the cool kids. I used to be a cool kid, but it was way too much work, so I stopped. Going outside is a prerequisite of being cool nowadays, so I want nothing to do with it. I’d rather acquire coolness by proxy from the much cooler people I hang out with. They all flock to me because I’m so utterly uncool I’ve come full circle and I’m hip again.While we’re all hanging out I siphon off their cool, which elevates me to an untouchable realm of hip that defies description. I’m immediately transformed into their leader even though I’m socially incompetent on every level. I’m simply a vampire that steals everything that isn’t nailed down and regurgitates it in a slightly different form.

This is probably what it’s like to be a politician.