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Category: reckless behavior

Damn, It Feels Good To Be A Gangsta

Damn, It Feels Good To Be A Gangsta

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Ghost ride the whip and etc. Keep it real. I much prefer to keep it fake, but that’s just me. I never got wrapped up in the whole rap lingo thing. I can barely speak English, so I avoid learning new languages. I nonsensically mutter enough as it is. I’m not sure what I’d sound like when you combine it with the subtleties of gangsta rap.

Good day, gentlemen. Would you care to direct me to where da hood at? You see, it doesn’t sound right when I do it. I enunciate it all wrong. My attitude isn’t in the right place. I haven’t participated in enough drive-bys or robbed enough liquor stores to get the right feeling. I’ll never be da realest gangsta around.

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Flying Frenchies Frightening Fauna

Flying Frenchies Frightening Fauna

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Ah, the French: When they’re not busy surrendering, they’re throwing themselves off of cliffs for giggles. There are many people that I know who wouldn’t oppose seeing a Frenchman thrown off a cliff. I assume they mean without a parachute, but I consider that to be inhumane. Someone would have to clean up the mess afterwards, and I can’t think of anything stinkier than a Frenchman’s giblets.

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I’ll Have Two Firefighters Over Easy

I’ll Have Two Firefighters Over Easy

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7LyJa94Io44

Its really rough being a fireman when you take the name literally. You’re not supposed to set yourself on fire, man.

This reminds me of a job I had for about five minutes before I was let go for breeding pigeons on the roof, and letting them use the bathroom for their poo parties. The poo parties weren’t my idea; I simply noticed that the pigeons pooped a lot, and liked frightening the incontinent. The bathroom was an ideal spot to keep them when they weren’t soaring above the Denny’s parking, defecating on everything that dared stray within a one-mile radius of their poo headquarters.

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What Do You Call a Professional Cyclist With No Girlfriend?

What Do You Call a Professional Cyclist With No Girlfriend?

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Answer: Homeless.

This reminds me of something interesting that happened to a friend of mine. Last year I was sitting out on my front porch when my friend rode up on a brand new, twelve-speed, top-of-the-line bicycle. I mean, this was the Rolls Royce of bicycles. It had an extra-padded seat, three dual-action cup holders, and a built-in tire inflation machine, so your tires were always at the perfect pressure.

I was a little awestruck at first. To my knowledge, my friend doesn’t come from a very wealthy family, and he doesn’t have any sort of job that I know of. Unless that bike fell from the sky, I really didn’t know how he could have gotten it.

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