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Category: music?

Racket? That’s Brahms. Brahms Third Racket!

Racket? That’s Brahms. Brahms Third Racket!

It’s easy to master any instrument. But that would take time and practice –you know, effort — and I doubt you wanna deal with all that. Why not invent your own instrument, like this bellowphone here?  You’ll immediately be a virtuoso. Same way an architect who builds his own house doesn’t get lost in it. He planned every nook and cranny of the place. A man who builds his own instrument knows every nuance of his creation. He doesn’t need as much practice to master said creation. Since no one else knows how to play, technically, you don’t need any practice to be world-class at it. In a world class of one, you’re always the valedictorian.

Metal Band That Plays Air Hoses – Nonmetal Band?

Metal Band That Plays Air Hoses – Nonmetal Band?

This got me thinking, “What is music?” Masterpieces such as this are called music, so is avant-garde noise. You could dress like a bunch of emo vampires and vent your ten years of frustration into the microphone, and that could be music, too. Is music art? If so, these things would fit right in.

Shout at strangers on the street, and you’re disturbing the peace. Do it on a stage, and you’re a musician.

In the Kitchen, Makin’ Beets

In the Kitchen, Makin’ Beets

Kraftwerk would’ve loved this guy. Not only did Stephen here build his own synthesizer, he also built it out of regular kitchen stuff. He’s out-krafted the werk!

Now I only wanna listen to kitchen music. I’ve made up my mind. Don’t show me a song unless it was made in a kitchen. No other room in the house will cut it for me. I treat music like food now. You wouldn’t eat food that was cooked in the bathroom, would you?

The Scent of Adolescent Character – No. 1

The Scent of Adolescent Character – No. 1

Why do all cello players make the same faces when they play? They all play with their eyes shut and their lips pursed. They twitch and bob their heads depending on how hard they are playing.I’m suspicious.

I suspect this is because an actual cello doesn’t make any noise. I think cello players are actually a bunch of ventriloquist singers who sing the notes while only pretending to play them. They’re probably all pretty lazy, too. They want to sit down, but they know singers have to stand through the whole performance. They probably invented the cello as a prop. Hell, some of them might be sleeping. They all have their eyes closed. How would we know? Look at the guy on the left in the video. You can see right through his “cello.” It’s got to be fake.

Cool song, though, bro.