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Incomprehensible Pterodactyl Screams Take No.1 Spot On Billboard Hot 100

Incomprehensible Pterodactyl Screams Take No.1 Spot On Billboard Hot 100

Don’t laugh, pterodactyls are people too, man. Well they’re not people, but you get the idea. That raw emotion has to come from deep inside his pterodactyl soul. His little spiky head just wouldn’t be able to take it if you don’t like his song. He poured everything into that performance. So what if he’s a little off? So what if it’s mostly incomprehensible screaming and crying? He’s like the mentally disabled kid at the talent show who wants to show off his interpretive dance moves, but they’re just too complicated for his soft, pudgy body to emote, so he falls down on his face and poos himself. You’d better clap for that, because he tried dammit and that’s got to be worth something.

If I catch any of you make fun of  this I’ll call the Intertunnel police and report you for pterodactyl abuse.

Well I See He Managed To Get His Shirt Off Vol.2

Well I See He Managed To Get His Shirt Off Vol.2

Ah, the sweet smell of agriculture in the morning. It’s a little known fact that hard rocking and farming have gone hand in hand for centuries. Now, I know what you’re thinking, “But Charlie, hard rock is so cool and farming is so lame. AC/DC and tractors don’t mix, and they never have.” Well that’s where you’re wrong.

Every piece of rock music can be played by a group of farmers with three teeth between them without making any alterations whatsoever to the music. Now why do you think that is? I have an answer that a lot of you may not very much care for. Rock music is just loud country music, and country music is just a polka. Thunderstruck is a polka. Are you catching what I’m flinging? Big brass tubas, accordions, and tiny trumpets; that type of polka.

Here are some other well known polkas:
Stairway To Heaven — polka
Smoke On The Water — polka
Back In Black — polka
Dream On — polka
Enter Sandman — polka
Sweet Child Of Mine — polka
Layla — polka
Crazy Train — polka
YYZ — polka
Hotel California — polka

Sultans Of Swing — polka

The list goes on, but you guys get the idea: if it can be played on a zither it’s probably a polka — Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

[A big thank you to Sam from Oregon for sending this along]

A Sirloin Lullaby

A Sirloin Lullaby

The pied piper has really lowered his standards. I always thought he was one of those PETA fellas who was trying to save all the tiny animals. Looks like he wants a steak just like the rest of us.

BSBFB Movie Etiquette

BSBFB Movie Etiquette

[Warning: Some Salty Language]

If you are inconsiderate to others, I too will bite your torso and give you a disease. It’s nothing personal, unless you plan on talking on your cell phone through the entire movie. Then I’ll be forced to rip your ear off and talk into it in a manner that most would find offensive, or boorish. Again, friend, it’s nothing personal. Unless you spill popcorn and butter all over me. Then I’ll politely ask you to stop, and you’ll go home and softly cry yourself to sleep. Nothing personal, friendo, rules are rules.

Better still, just don’t go out to the movies ever. It’s better if you don’t; they haven’t made anything good since 1978 anyways.