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Category: music?

Remember Kids, If A Stranger Offers You Drugs Say Thank You Because Drugs Are Expensive

Remember Kids, If A Stranger Offers You Drugs Say Thank You Because Drugs Are Expensive

This video had the exact opposite effect on me; now I really want to go and do some drugs. You know, Advil, Ibuprofen, Tums, the wonder drugs that work wonders. Hardcore drugs. I don’t even have a headache or anything, I’m just not going to let some feminine gym teacher who gets his hair cut by Stevie Wonder tell me how to live my life. I’m standing up to the man, even if he doesn’t seem like much of a man, man.

Also, when he said chicken club I thought he was referring to an actual chicken club sandwich, so I’m thoroughly disappointed. I would much rather have a chicken club sandwich than drugs.

Angular Banjos Sound Good To Me

Angular Banjos Sound Good To Me

Let me hear your balalaikas ringing out.

You know, for only having three strings he’s really making a lot of noise. Whether that’s a good thing or not is all a matter of opinion. He needs to work on giving his music any sort of structure or direction or tonality, but I’ll be darned if he isn’t trying. Some would even say he’s — shredding. I don’t particularly like that word: shredding. It evokes images of shirtless men pretending they know how to play the guitar because they can play one scale really fast. But I’ll be darned if he isn’t shredding all over that ridiculous excuse for an instrument. He may only have three stings and a finite amount of notes, but one way or another he’s going to play them all.

Béla Bartók Ain’t Got Nuthin On This

Béla Bartók Ain’t Got Nuthin On This

One hears such sounds, and what can one say but — Black MIDI.

In the name of everything that’s good and holy what in the world is Black MIDI? To be honest, I didn’t know what it was, so I looked it up so you don’t have to. Usually I’m very well versed in underground music scenes and genres and such, but this is the first one I’ve encountered that’s underground for a very obvious reason. Black MIDI is a genre of music where the composer layers MIDI tracks to make an unplayable piece of music with as many notes as possible in the hope that it will break whatever computer tries to play it.

If that’s not hardcore, I don’t know what is.

(Many thanks to official borderline sociopath, Charles Schneider for sending this one our way)

Daryl Hall Is The Prettiest Girl I’ve Ever Seen

Daryl Hall Is The Prettiest Girl I’ve Ever Seen

Out of all the people to emerge from the boiling pot of goo that was the 1980s, Daryl Hall had the best hair. He looked like a well-groomed show-dog at all times in the best sort of way. He didn’t drool or bite or poop on the floor, but he still looked like a team of experts had been running combs over his entire body for hours. Who knows, maybe he does poop on the floor, I’ve never had the opportunity to ask. What Daryl Hall does with his feces is his own affair, I’m worried John Oates’s porn-stache will leap off his face and try to destroy humanity if we don’t start throwing virgins into a volcano as soon as possible. It’s the only way to get them to stop shredding

I hope Hall and Oates don’t feel too badly, even the best of us have shredding days.