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Category: humor

Gnawing On Nazis

Gnawing On Nazis


Nazis: the only unequivocally evil force that I’m allowed to make fun of without anyone getting all pissy. I can deride Nazis in any fashion that I like, for as long as I like, and no one will think any less of me. It’s wonderful because you don’t have to justify hating Nazis, you can simply hate them because they’re Nazis. Hating Nazis is so universally accepted that there’s an incalculable number of movies, video games, and TV shows dedicated to mercilessly taking the piss out of Nazis. Here are a couple notable examples:


Why justify hating Nazis when you can fight the rising tides of national socialism by watching Australian public access television, which seems to be light-years ahead of anything we have in the US.


I think I’ve illustrated my point — whatever that might be.

Daryl Hall Is The Prettiest Girl I’ve Ever Seen

Daryl Hall Is The Prettiest Girl I’ve Ever Seen

Out of all the people to emerge from the boiling pot of goo that was the 1980s, Daryl Hall had the best hair. He looked like a well-groomed show-dog at all times in the best sort of way. He didn’t drool or bite or poop on the floor, but he still looked like a team of experts had been running combs over his entire body for hours. Who knows, maybe he does poop on the floor, I’ve never had the opportunity to ask. What Daryl Hall does with his feces is his own affair, I’m worried John Oates’s porn-stache will leap off his face and try to destroy humanity if we don’t start throwing virgins into a volcano as soon as possible. It’s the only way to get them to stop shredding

I hope Hall and Oates don’t feel too badly, even the best of us have shredding days.

Sasquatch Is Love, Sasquatch Is Life

Sasquatch Is Love, Sasquatch Is Life

I like Sasquatch, he brings up some very good points. He expresses himself clearly and concisely, and he cares about the people around him. If we were all a bit more like Sasquatch the world would be a better place. People would leave their doors unlocked at night. Policemen would wander the town with nothing to do. Elderly women wouldn’t be afraid to walk home from intense cribbage games late at night. Roving gangs of street thugs would give out gifts instead of vicious beatings. We’d have no need for lawyers and politicians, so they would sink back into the primordial ooze that birthed them.

If we could all be like Sasquatch, what a beautiful world it would be.

BSBFB Movie Etiquette

BSBFB Movie Etiquette

[Warning: Some Salty Language]

If you are inconsiderate to others, I too will bite your torso and give you a disease. It’s nothing personal, unless you plan on talking on your cell phone through the entire movie. Then I’ll be forced to rip your ear off and talk into it in a manner that most would find offensive, or boorish. Again, friend, it’s nothing personal. Unless you spill popcorn and butter all over me. Then I’ll politely ask you to stop, and you’ll go home and softly cry yourself to sleep. Nothing personal, friendo, rules are rules.

Better still, just don’t go out to the movies ever. It’s better if you don’t; they haven’t made anything good since 1978 anyways.