Browsed by
Category: humor

Daryl Hall Is The Prettiest Girl I’ve Ever Seen

Daryl Hall Is The Prettiest Girl I’ve Ever Seen

Out of all the people to emerge from the boiling pot of goo that was the 1980s, Daryl Hall had the best hair. He looked like a well-groomed show-dog at all times in the best sort of way. He didn’t drool or bite or poop on the floor, but he still looked like a team of experts had been running combs over his entire body for hours. Who knows, maybe he does poop on the floor, I’ve never had the opportunity to ask. What Daryl Hall does with his feces is his own affair, I’m worried John Oates’s porn-stache will leap off his face and try to destroy humanity if we don’t start throwing virgins into a volcano as soon as possible. It’s the only way to get them to stop shredding

I hope Hall and Oates don’t feel too badly, even the best of us have shredding days.

Sasquatch Is Love, Sasquatch Is Life

Sasquatch Is Love, Sasquatch Is Life

I like Sasquatch, he brings up some very good points. He expresses himself clearly and concisely, and he cares about the people around him. If we were all a bit more like Sasquatch the world would be a better place. People would leave their doors unlocked at night. Policemen would wander the town with nothing to do. Elderly women wouldn’t be afraid to walk home from intense cribbage games late at night. Roving gangs of street thugs would give out gifts instead of vicious beatings. We’d have no need for lawyers and politicians, so they would sink back into the primordial ooze that birthed them.

If we could all be like Sasquatch, what a beautiful world it would be.

BSBFB Movie Etiquette

BSBFB Movie Etiquette

[Warning: Some Salty Language]

If you are inconsiderate to others, I too will bite your torso and give you a disease. It’s nothing personal, unless you plan on talking on your cell phone through the entire movie. Then I’ll be forced to rip your ear off and talk into it in a manner that most would find offensive, or boorish. Again, friend, it’s nothing personal. Unless you spill popcorn and butter all over me. Then I’ll politely ask you to stop, and you’ll go home and softly cry yourself to sleep. Nothing personal, friendo, rules are rules.

Better still, just don’t go out to the movies ever. It’s better if you don’t; they haven’t made anything good since 1978 anyways.

Bro, Do You Even Curl?

Bro, Do You Even Curl?

[Video Warning: As you might expect, the “Bro-Science Lab” spokesman swears a bit in his videos]

Bro understands the weight room like a Mormon understands monogamy. He knows everything in the gym is for making your biceps bigger. Full stop. That’s it. He knows the hell out of it. He could do it all day long, with everything and everybody.

Chicks dig biceps. This is known. They squeeze them and whatnot if you’ve got em. What’s a chick going to squeeze if you don’t have biceps? Nothing. Dude knows biceps aren’t just the hood ornament on your Escalade of sex appeal, or even the spinners or the subwoofer bazooka in the back. Biceps are the whole damn ride. Better get to the gym, and get biceptual, bro.