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Category: humor

The Moral Of The Story?

The Moral Of The Story?


What’s the moral of this story? Hmmm.

I know: “Candy bars make you mighty.” No, that’s probably not it. “Bouncers are generally genial and cooperative when they get off work.” No, that probably not it either. A good offense is a great defense.” Probably not, but we’re getting warmer, I think. “One good turn deserves another.” Ooh, that’s pretty good, but not quite it. “People often begrudge others that which they cannot enjoy themselves.” Well, the robodork seems peeved. He must have been turned away at more than his share of nightclubs. We’re homing in now. “Every tale is not to be believed.” Well, this is faker than the breasts on Baywatch, but that’s not germane to the conversation.

“Australians talk funny.” Works for me. 

Look, I Don’t Care How Super He Is, He’s Still Going To Get Bugs In His Teeth

Look, I Don’t Care How Super He Is, He’s Still Going To Get Bugs In His Teeth


Now, Superman’s super. That’s a given. I understand that. It’s right there in the name.

But the fellow has sketchy references, you have to admit. No one from around town can vouch for the fellow. No. Fixed. Address. He blows hot and cold, too; one minute he’s changing the Earth’s rotation, the next minute he’s just standing around while a freshman thug empties a revolver into him. Then –get this– when the malefactor is out of ammo, he throws the gun at this alleged Super man, and what does Superman do? He ducks! He ducks, mind you. Somewhataboveaverageman would be more like it, if you ask me.

(Thanks to Joan of Argghh for sending that one along)

Ping Pong. It’s Just Tennis With A Ditch On The Baseline

Ping Pong. It’s Just Tennis With A Ditch On The Baseline


Here’s to you two, you two epic ping pong dudes. You are all that’s right with the world and wrong with sports all wrapped up in one amazing package. I’d say that this was like a Globetrotters/Generals match, but I can’t tell which one is throwing the game. What if the Globetrotters played the Globetrotters? Yeah, it would totally be like this, only without the buckets of glitter thrown at the audience. 

Armyin’ Is Hard, Yo

Armyin’ Is Hard, Yo

Do not believe those commercials for the military you see at half time of the Buccaneers/Raiders game. The fountain pen you’re using to enlist doesn’t magically turn into a flaming saber and the clipboard doesn’t morph into a cuirass the minute you sign on the olive drab dotted line. You’ve got to go through basic training before you slay any dragons, dude or dudette. You have to sit on the bus and talk about shrimp first, Napoleon. It has always been thus.

Eisenhower had to get MacArthur’s coffee for a good long time before they let him up on the furniture. And no offense, but you’re no Eisenhower. So just try to hold the pin and throw the grenade, not the other way around, and do whatever the fellow with all the stripes and the stentorian voice tells you, and you’ll do fine.

[Thanks to Gerard at American Digest for sending that one along]