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I Love The Smell Of Freedom In The Morning

I Love The Smell Of Freedom In The Morning

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Remember kids, fireworks can’t hurt you as long as you’re drunk. Feel free to light them off from your front porch.  You can stand right under the explosions and let the spent rockets rain down on you until the cops come. When they finally arrive, offer them a beer and some fireworks, because they probably came to party. On July 4th, we’re all perps.

Everyone here at the BSBFB hopes everyone has a great July 4th holiday. A big shoutout to anyone who will forever be known as ‘Lefty’ after the festivities. And remember, today is your last chance to to stock up on fireworks for next year. On July 5th, every fireworks shop turns back into an abandoned Men’s Wearhouse.

Never Mind The Skier. Who Grooms That Trail?

Never Mind The Skier. Who Grooms That Trail?

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Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ski like crazy, double flip, land safely, camera on head, blah blah blah, yadda yadda. That’s all very well and good; but who’s building these snow ramps? He’s a genius.

Look at the ramps and slopes and whatnot. They’re perfect, like a wedding cake from Brobdingnag. Sculpted like some sort of Arctic Acropolis. If you gave that guy a Zamboni, he’d probably have a giant swan ice sculpture at center ice for the start of the third period. I say we strap a camera to the snow groomer’s plaid hat — you know, the one with the flaps — and watch him work his magic instead of the hipsters on the skis.

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Or You Could Go Outside and Play Wiffle Ball in the Back Yard. Tough Call

Or You Could Go Outside and Play Wiffle Ball in the Back Yard. Tough Call

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People sure need a lot of elaborate equipment to have fun these days. I don’t know about you, but my helicopter is in the shop four days out of seven, so I don’t go skydiving off it as much as I’d like. I also have trouble finding my body armor for riding the motorcycle I don’t have, so I have to settle for putting baseball cards in my spokes and riding around the neighborhood.

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Go Pro — Be A Hero, But Please Don’t Sue

Go Pro — Be A Hero, But Please Don’t Sue

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I told him not to do it, but no one listens to me when I shout at my computer screen. Perhaps I’m missing the point of how the Intertunnel works, but that really doesn’t matter. I think that he really missed the point of how gravity works, and that’s much more important. At least I don’t ride my bike off a cliff because the intricacies of the magical Intertunnel escape me — I do that because I feel like it.

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