Seems pretty legit to me. This is as real as real gets. It’s like CNN, the New York Times, and MSNBC had a semi-retarded lovechild; that’s how real it is. I can’t see a single element of this that’s forged, fabricated, counterfeited, or faked. This is some hard-hitting, bone-crunching, butt-clenching, face-melting wrestling going on, and I’m not going to stand for anyone telling me otherwise.
Macho Man Randy Savage would be proud to see this if he was still alive. He’s looking down on us from above right now, and he’s pleased, brother. Ooh, yeah, brother!
I don’t think I’m cut out for big business. The constant human interaction frightens and confuses me. I can’t even get the business expressions right: A bird in the hand is probably dead, but not worth quite as much as a bush or two. Err — A closed mouth gathers no foot, but makes it very hard to eat a sandwich. The early bird gets the worm, and dysentery, probably. This is why I quit business school; I failed my business expressions class, and never recovered.
Even though I flunked spectacularly and dropped out of business school, I still managed to get a job in a rather large office building. It didn’t last long, because I kept stealing printers, and swiping boxes of plastic utensils from the break room, but it was worth it.
Way back before I care to remember, on an idyllic Sunday morning during some long-forgotten summer, two kids were running around their house trying to find their father. After a few minutes, they burst into their father’s office to find him relaxing in his favorite chair, reading the Sunday Times. The father looked up at the boys, but didn’t pay much attention.
One of the boys asked, “Say, Dad, have you met the new neighbors?”
The Father looked up from his paper for a moment before going back to the sports section, “No,” he said, “No, I didn’t know anyone was moving into the neighborhood.”
“Well, you’ve got to meet them,” stated one of the boys, “You really should come down and say hello.”
“Perhaps another time; I don’t get very many opportunities to enjoy myself, and I want to read the paper before I do anything else. I work very hard to provide for the both of you and your Mother, so I’d appreciate it if you let me have a few minutes to myself today,” said the father rather curtly.
The boys were starting to get upset. “Look, Dad — you’ve got to come meet them right now!”
After some more convincing, the father got up and said, “Alright! Where are they? If they’re already here I don’t want to keep them waiting. I didn’t know they were that eager to meet me. Have you met them already?”
One of the boys looks up at his dad and says, “Oh no, we haven’t met them either, but our baseball is in their living room, so we think it’d be a good idea if we introduce ourselves.”
… Slayer fits in with the Radio Disney vibe a bit too well. Yes, I’m well aware that they’re unsubtly singing about Josef Mengele while trying to be as metal as humanly possible, but a beard and leather pants don’t magically make you hardcore. I wouldn’t be the slightest bit surprised if they’ve guest-starred on an episode of Mickey Mouse’s Play House at one point or another. Maybe I’d think differently if the music was back to normal, but I’m not really sure at this point.
I think my Metal-o-meter is broken or something. I don’t even think I know what metal is anymore. Perhaps if we tried a different band they’d fair better.
Nope, that didn’t help. Without the context offered by the music everything seems a bit silly. I mean, the song is immeasurably improved, but it’s still not quite my cup of tea. Everyone seems to be taking themselves a bit too seriously. There’s no camp, no theatrics, and they don’t seem to be in on the joke. We’ve got to roll back the clock and roll up the hard-rockin’. Music shouldn’t be as fun as a trip to the morgue; It can be so much sillier.
That’s much better.
It’s also important to note that metal can be used for good as well. If anything get’s disgustingly poppy, you can always bring it down a few pegs with some nice blast beats. The outfits don’t change very much, and they’re all wearing the same shade of eyeliner, but at least metal makes Culture Club sort of listenable.