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We May Have Discovered The Earliest Video Recording Of Hipsters

We May Have Discovered The Earliest Video Recording Of Hipsters

Are these the first real recorded instances of hipsters in the wild?

Lessee; they’re riding “fixie” bikes. That’s strike one. Check out the ironic facial hair. They might not have thought that their facial hair was ironic. It might just be ironic. That’s so meta. That’s strike two and strike three. They’re doing pointless stunts on their fixies while being filmed. That’s strike four. The second guy with the slouchy hat is obviously a big fan of medical marijuana. And medical laudanum. And homeopathic opium. A bit of chloral hydrate, too, no doubt, but that was probably just recreational. There’s strike five. He probably washed it all down with absinthe. Strike six. The third dude adumbrates the parking of bicycles by attaching them to every object affixed to the ground in an urban area. Strike seven. Then they all got together to jump rope with a bicycle, taking up an area equivalent to an entire city park, discommoding everyone else but themselves.

Case closed. They’re hipsters.

Simple Is Best

Simple Is Best


Ah, remember dumb fun? Kids love dumb fun — or should. I’m tired of spreadsheet fun. Your fantasy football team is a tedious clerical chore. Maybe you should forget the imaginary sword you earned by playing MMORPG for twenty weeks straight and make a real sword out of a paper towel roll and whack a real friend with it instead. 

It’s just rolling down a hill. That’s it. But that’s enough, isn’t it? You’d have to tear any self-respecting kid off that hill even after a hundred runs down it. Sun’s gong down, rain’s starting to fall,  no bathroom breaks for four hours — Just one more, Dad!

Excuse Me, Do You Speak Bro?

Excuse Me, Do You Speak Bro?

The Bro accent was very strong there, and my Bro is a little rusty, so I’m not exactly sure how Travis Pastrami, or whatever his name was, fits in there, but he’s Eiffel-Towering someone named Ethan, only spelled wrong, and his brother is named Josh, which is a very Bro name indeed, and Josh says he can’t perform star-spangled loopty-loops on a bicycle as well as Ethan with the orthographically-challenged parents. Got it.

Never mind all that. The fascinating part is that somewhere, someone wondered aloud: What if we had a polygamous marriage between pro wrestling, tractor pulls, and a paper route, and sold tickets?

I’d call it genius, but genius would be a step back for such a mind.

[Thanks to Gerard at American Digest for sending that one along. Calling him a genius wouldn’t be a step back for him. More like a sideways move]

I Could Do That. Just Not On Purpose

I Could Do That. Just Not On Purpose


I don’t know what this guy’s talking about. He mentions 4.5 Kill-o-meters, but nobody gets killed. Maybe it’s his accent that’s throwing me off. He’s obviously used to talkin’ Flemavian, or Wallaroon, or maybe Basquick or Lithuingian or something. But he really shouldn’t turn on his Kill-o-meter if he’s not gonna use it.

[Many thanks to Steve Pierson for reading, and for sending that one along. I bet the needle on Steve’s Kill-o-meter is pegged]