All in all, a pretty good rundown on how to play football. However, they completely glossed over how to freeze the bottoms of your feet off with liquid nitrogen, and then refuse to play unless you’re allowed to wear a defective helmet. There was very little guidance about what to say when your team’s owner goes to the massage parlor. Proper elevator etiquette for running backs didn’t make the cut for topics, either. They skipped right over how to imitate a toddler pitching a fit in the candy aisle after you score a touchdown. I dozed off in the middle, but I’m pretty certain they didn’t even discuss contract holdouts. But at least it’s football, unlike whatever it is they’re playing in the NFL preseason.