To this day I still play The Floor Is Lava.  It’s not because I want to relive my childhood. It’s because I had the floors redone some time ago, and I don’t want them to get all scuffed up before I have guests over. Since I’m so unpopular, it’s taking a long time to get guests to come over, so the floors still look freshly refinished. If anyone did come over, I’m sure they’d marvel at my pristone hardwood floors. Of course my furniture is in a terrible state from having a grown man climb all over it while wearing work boots, so I’m not inviting anyone over until I rob a Rent A Center as well.

Anyway, back to the topic at hand. Aren’t children amusing? They’re like drunk midgets. They spend all their time bumping in to things, eating weird food combos, inadvertently harming themselves, and vomiting at the drop of a hat.  It’s a shame they have to grow up and become sober.