Welcome to the BSBFB world headquarters. As you can see, our writers are hard at work practicing for the first ever BSBFB Very Special Olympics. We’re got some exciting new events that will really knock your socks off.

Our first event is the quadriplegic pummel. Don’t laugh. How many hits can you land on torso before you fall down and hurt yourself? He may be limbless, but he’s crafty. And rubbery. Let’s see you go toe to toe and hand to hand with him, tough guy.

The second event is fun with nunchucks. The objects is to figure out how to spell numchucks, I mean nunchecks, I mean nunchaku. Oh never mind.

Our third event is the college dorm bookshelf challenge. You place any old plank of wood across two concrete blocks and hurt yourself with them any old way. You never place books on them, however, as the college bookstore now only carries sweatshirts and mugs.