Seriously, have we ever gotten over the cancellation of the Wild Wild West? I don’t think so.

They call it steampunk, but it’s just Wild Wild West fanfiction. Everybody wants to ride that train and wear a waistcoat that doesn’t reach your waist. Captain Kirk and Mr. Spock were just wan doppelgangers of Jim West and Artemus Gordon if you ask me. There was only one Prime Directive in Wild Wild West: come out blasting, and get chicks — and that’s the way we liked it.

Look at the women that starred on Wild Wild West. Suzanne Pleshette, Barbara Luna, Julie Payne. Sigrid Valdis! Totally underrated theme song, too:

Leslie Parrish was on Star Trek, but you had to wait for her to be on Wild Wild West to see her dressed like a St. Pauli Girl. Everyone dressed like that, and none of the girls were green, either. Several army training films instructed me not to hang around with green chicks. Sage advice.

I totally want a copper .22 caliber machine gun. I’ll hang on the wall in my private train as I travel the west, looking for trouble. Trouble finds a man that has a copper-plated machine gun. And wishes it hadn’t.