New Zealand Man, not to be confused with Aussie Man, is a different sort of man entirely. While Aussie Man can pound down 10 cans of Fosters Lager an hour, New Zealand Man prefers to kick back with a nice barrel of Speight’s Gold Medal Ale. While Aussie Man lives in a place where everything that walks, crawls, or slithers on its belly is actively trying to kill him, New Zealand Man lives in relative comfort — because only half of all indigenous life is actively trying to kill him.

Australia will always have a special place in my heart, but if I had to choose where I wanted to raise my children, I’d take them to the rolling hill of New Zealand.

Oh, you thought I was being serious? STRAYA FOR EVER, M8!