Way out West there was this fella — fella I wanna tell ya about. Fella by the name of Red Green. At least that was the handle his loving parents gave him, but he never had much use for it himself. Red Green, he called himself Red Green. Now, Red Green — he didn’t make a whole lot of sense. And a lot about where he lived, likewise.
But then again, maybe that’s why I found the place so darned interestin’. They call Canada America’s Hat. I didn’t find it to be that, exactly. But I’ll allow it’s mighty hat-like. ‘Course I can’t say I’ve seen London, and I ain’t never been to France. And I ain’t never seen no queen in her damned undies, so the feller says. But I’ll tell you what — after seeing Canada, and this here story I’m about to unfold, well, I guess I seen somethin’ every bit as stupefyin’ as you’d see in any of them other places. And mostly in English, too. So I can die with a smile on my face, without feelin’ like the good Lord gypped me.
Sometimes there’s a man — I won’t say a hero, ’cause, what’s a hero? But sometimes, there’s a man. And I’m talkin’ about Red Green. Sometimes, there’s a man, well, he’s the man for his time and place. He fits right in there. And that’s Red Green, in Canada. And even if he is a handy man — and the Red Green was most certainly that. Quite possibly the most handy man in Canada, which would place it high in the runnin’ for being most handy worldwide. But sometimes there’s a man, sometimes, there’s a man. Aw. I lost my train of thought here. But — aw, hell; I’ve done introduced him enough.