Ever since I was a little boy, I’ve always dreamed of being an attack helicopter. Although my aspirations have both disappointed and confused my parents, I think that they’ll accept me in the end. Even though they’ve repeatedly told me that it’s physically impossible for a human to morph into an attack helicopter, I fail to see how that is a problem. After I mount a 30mm cannon to my body, who’s to say what’s impossible?

After I get the cannons attached, I’ll see about getting some rotors embedded into my skull. I’ll look pretty strange until I can get a few batteries of Hellfire missiles attached, but I’ll just have to make do until then. After that, all that I’ll need is a flat-black finish and my dreams will finally come true. I’ll need to get a new passport photo and legally change my name to Apache, but that shouldn’t be too difficult. As long as my rotors fit through the door the town hall, everything will be fine.