Way out East there was this fella — fella I wanna tell ya about. Fella by the name of Alexandru. At least that was the handle his loving parents gave him, but he never had much use for it himself. Alexandru, he called himself Alexandru. Now, Alexandru — he didn’t make a whole lot of sense. And a lot about where he lived, likewise.
But then again, maybe that’s why I found the place so darned interestin’. They call Romania The Nicest Part of the Former Soviet Union. I didn’t find it to be that, exactly. But I’ll allow that there are some nice people there. ‘Course I can’t say I’ve seen London, and I ain’t never been to France. And I ain’t never seen no queen in her damned undies, so the feller says. But I’ll tell you what — after seeing Romania, and this here story I’m about to unfold, well, I guess I seen somethin’ every bit as stupefyin’ as you’d see in any of them other places. And mostly in English, too. So I can die with a smile on my face, without feelin’ like the good Lord gypped me.
Sometimes there’s a man — I won’t say a hero, ’cause, what’s a hero? But sometimes, there’s a man. And I’m talkin’ about Alexandru here. Sometimes, there’s a man, well, he’s the man for his time and place. He fits right in there. And that’s Alexandru, in the Romania. And even if he is a lazy man — and Alexandru was most certainly that. Quite possibly the most lazy man in Romania, which would place it high in the runnin’ for being laziest worldwide. But sometimes there’s a man, sometimes, there’s a man. Aw. I lost my train of thought here. But — aw, hell; I’ve done introduced him enough.