I find it very strange that everyone seems to have these high-tech devices on hand. I was perturbed when all of my friends started showing up with cellphones. I wasn’t particularly fond of drones when everyone started producing them out of the blue. Now everyone seems to have a jetpack, and I don’t know what to think anymore. On one hand, jetpacks are cool. On the other hand, I’ll probably never have one, and there’s no sense in having nice things exist if I can’t hog them all for myself.

Until I can have my own fleet of personalized jetpacks, I think we should call for a worldwide ban on assault jetpacks. Just think of the children. Won’t somebody please think of the children? No one person needs that much jetpack power — except for me of course.