Well, apparently someone took me up on my sarcastic suggestion to report the girls from the University of Alabama Sorority video for having fun, or not wearing Birkenstocks and wool socks, or not protesting outside of a Chik-Fil-A, or just generally seeming to have fun, which is verboten nowadays. Their video is yanked from the Intertunnel. This aggression will not stand.

In solidarity with our sisters in the sorority, we’ve decided to bring the heavy artillery to the imagined oppression fight. The heavy cannons. The big guns. The Berthas.

I don’t care how many lettuce brassieres you’ve worn outside of a KFC. You’re not ready to go mano a mano with the girls of the Hot Shots 2015 Calendar. The University of Alabama girls are amateurs. These are the pros. They can’t be reasoned with. They can’t be bargained with. And they absolutely will not stop until they’re out of ammo and your pants fit funny.