Browsed by
Category: guns

We’re An Американка Band

We’re An Американка Band

Nothing beats full auto rock and roll. If the fans get rowdy you can fire a few warning shots to show that you mean business. You won’t need to hire any security, because no one will ever rush the stage. The venue owner will always pay up. No one will ever tell you to keep it down. It’s the only guitar suitable for robbing a liquor store after your gig. Groupies will be fewer and farther between, but they’ll have their hands in the air, that’s for sure.

I admit, a gold plated guitar is almost as bad as a double neck guitar, and this thing’s both. Either should be instant red flags and should be avoided by everyone other than twelve-year-old boys, and everyone that reads this site. But I also have to admit that full auto fretting is the shizzle.

Keep on rocking. The AK guitar is the perfect axe for your next Soviet Bloc party!

Do, or Do Not. There Is No Why

Do, or Do Not. There Is No Why

Why would you fire 700 rounds on full auto from an M249 SAW with a suppressor on it, in one continuous burst, no less? Do or do not, I always say. There is no why.

They did it because they’re borderline sociopathic boys, that’s why. They did it because they’re males of the species. We’re idiots, and that’s the way we like it. We malinger in the back row of every class at school except shop, where we malinger in the front row. We eat SpaghettiOs cold, right from the can, while watching wrestling. No reason. Why never enters our vocabulary.

Read More Read More

Farm Girl Shoots Guns, Throws Axes, and Shows Off Archery Skills. I Suspect It’s Not Followed by a Spelling Bee

Farm Girl Shoots Guns, Throws Axes, and Shows Off Archery Skills. I Suspect It’s Not Followed by a Spelling Bee

Hmm. Not exactly what sort of “farm” this is. They appear to be farming the Internet, mostly. I guess that makes you and me ruminant animals. You know what happens to them on a farm.  I can’t lay any eggs, either, so I might be in even more trouble.

But surely I quibble. Or Shirley I quibble, maybe. I don’t know Annie Oakley Sunglasses’s name. I don’t know where she’s from, either, but it does seem awful hot wherever it is. I’ve been to the equator, and people wear more clothes there than she does, so she must live on Mercury or something.

Read More Read More

I Love The Smell of America in the Morning — Smells Like — Freedom

I Love The Smell of America in the Morning — Smells Like — Freedom

My name is CarniK Con and if you study with my eight-week program you will learn a system of shooting at paper targets that I developed over two seasons of going to the range every other day for a week. It’s called CarniK Con Do! After one week with me in my eight-week program, you’ll be prepared to shoot things with the strength of a grizzly, the reflexes of a puma, and the wisdom of a man.

Read More Read More