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Hotter Than a Fifty Dollar Rolex

Hotter Than a Fifty Dollar Rolex

We need new idiomatic expressions. If you’re not familiar with the term idiomatic expressions, it doesn’t refer to the look you get on your face when you hit your thumb with a hammer. It refers to popular sayings that are pregnant with additional meanings. You know, things like, “hold your horses.” Well, this dude can hold a blob of 2000-degree glass and get a horse to hold out of it. He can make a Ferrari hood ornament out of melted sand. We have to come up with a new expression in his honor. How about “more expensive than a glass Ferrari.” Done.

(Thanks to longtime reader and contributor H.J. Briscoe for sending that one along)

Real Men of Genius: Ladder Edition

Real Men of Genius: Ladder Edition

This is the dumbest thing I can imagine. No, not the lavender truck. That’s garden variety dumb. No, not the man holding the ladder. Gravity, leverage, fulcrums, friction, it’s all mysterious to him. But most people are like that. He’s nothing special. The guy in the bucket, sort of helping, but not really helping at all, is unexceptional. Most people just stand aside and let other people hurt themselves if they’re bound and determined to try. The man descending the ladder is a dope, of course, but he’s not the dumbest person involved here.

No, the dumbest thing in this video is the guy holding the camera vertically. The rest is conversation.

Of course I don’t have a heart made of stone. I do care. I hope the shrub is OK.

(Thanks to old friend Charles Schneider for sending that one along)

The Eludium X-15 Explosive Space Modulator.

The Eludium X-15 Explosive Space Modulator.

Aw yeah. Back when NASA and the USAF were still loaded with Borderline Sociopathic Boys, strapping rockets to their butts and whizzing around the barrier between Earth and outer space. Everyone manning the consoles back at the base has a whiffle you set your watch to. There’s no fuel economy stickers in the plane windows yet. We were still naming our airplanes cool things like “X-15.” Heads up, NASA and the US military: If your plane/rocket doesn’t sound like it was named by Marvin the Martian, you’ve failed.

You’ve also got to love the interview with the X-15 design engineer. You know you covet his shop teacher eyeglasses. You can almost hear the pen leaking into his pocket protector inside his suit jacket. When he holds up a little model of the X-15, and you can see the slide-rule callouses on his hands. Old Skool, man.

Who Do You Think You Are, Dillinger?

Who Do You Think You Are, Dillinger?

We’re paying basketball players too much money. We’re asking too many football players for autographs. We’re watching too many baseball games. Fans are altogether too interested in the clothes pro golfers are wearing. We need more sports to pay attention to. The Brits and Irish love their darts, and the matches are a hoot. Billiards is a blast. But I think we’re missing a opportunity here. Archery matches are great, and lends itself to golf-announcer sotto voce commentators, my favorite kind. Besides, there’s a guy named John Dillinger shooting. If he robbed a bank with his bow and arrow, I’d put my hands up and fill the bag with cash. Besides, I think all bank robberies should be closed with polite applause from the onlookers.