As many of you may or may not know, video game consoles are for peasants. If you own a video game console in this day, there is a large demographic of people that will make fun of you until you sell that hunk of junk and buy something sensible. I too have fallen victim to the cheap thrills of an Xbox, but I found the light. I joined the PC master race. Not only can I diddle away my time playing pointless games, but I can also do reasonable things like go on the Intertunnel or make a spreadsheet. I’d like to see a video-game-console peasant try to make a word document on an XBone 720.

I will freely admit that I’m still enormously bitter about when my Xbox overheated, mildly melted, and turned into an expensive doorstop. I still hold a grudge from when Microsoft made me pay to ship said doorstop across the country and it took them 2 months to send back a replacement. I’m not overly pleased that by the time I got my Xbox back they started charging an extra 10 dollars for all new video games.

None of that really mattered to me by the time it was all sorted out. In the 2 months that I had to myself, I found out that computers can connect to the Intertunnel, and the Intertunnel is full of cats and shirtless women. Naturally, Call of Duty wasn’t nearly as fun as it used to be after I saw a boob.