Good evening, everyone. On tonight’s episode of Will It Shred, we’ll be shredding the hopes and dreams of every 11-year-old kid in America — or the only transportation that a 40-year-old with 3 DUIs can afford. That’s right, folks: when you’re banned from riding the bus because of your indecent exposure charges, you get a bike. Two wheels semi-inflated wheels, a seat that makes impalement look comfy, and a bell to annoy the neighbors, a bike is man’s best friend if all of your friends are dead or not returning your calls. On tonight’s show we’re throwing some bicycles into our shredder and seeing what happens. And now, a word from our sponsors.

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Welcome back to Will It Shred! If you’re a fan of BMX bikes, avert your eyes, because we’re about to turn them into useful scrap. Useful is a term that’s not often associated with BMX, so we’re making history here, folks. Remember to tune in next week; we’ll see if we can shred the bikers, too!