https://www.youtube.com/watch?t=150&v=PZSiTUcV2Rg

If hockey was like this I think I’d watch more hockey — or any hockey at all, for that matter. I’m on a strict anti-sports diet at the moment. Whenever someone tries talks about sports or mentions a sport of any kind, I go into the bathroom and purge. I lost 15 pounds in a week, and I only had to go to the hospital twice!

I’m not too fond of my diet, so I tend to avoid people who talk about sports or participate in sports. Very often, if I see someone walking down the side of the road and they’re wearing a jersey of any kind I swerve to hit them. I don’t actually hit them; I much prefer giving them a little scare. At the last minute I’ll pull away, so the only thing that gets damaged is their pants from projectile crapping themselves.

One day I was driving along and I noticed a priest walking along the side of the road. I thought I’d do something productive for once in my life, so I pulled over and asked him if he needed a ride. He graciously accepted and hopped into the passenger seat. After exchanging pleasantries, he asked if I could drive him to the church up the road. It was on the way to where I was headed, so I told him that it wouldn’t be a problem.

About half a mile down the road, I saw a man in a Red Wings jersey walking down the street, minding his own business. I instinctively put my foot down and started coming up behind him. Right before I hit him, I laid on the horn and swerved to the left, so I’d miss him.

As I went hurtling by I heard a resounding bump and the car shuddered a little bit. I could swear that I didn’t hit him. I’ve done this a million times, and I always know when to pull away. I looked in the wing mirrors and I didn’t see any body behind me and the car seemed fine. I didn’t think that much of it, and we continued on our way. The priest didn’t say anything, so I was hoping that he didn’t notice. I started mentally forming my apology in case it came up.

After a few silent miles, we pulled up to the church. As the priest unbuckled himself I said,

“See ya later padre, sorry I almost hit that Red Wings fan. I’m not sure what got a hold of me.”

The priest leaned over, patted me on the shoulder, and said,

“It’s alright, my son. I saw that you were going to miss, so I got him with the door.”