Back in my day we used our computers for computing, and our floppy disks for floppying. Now that I think of it, I’m not sure I’ve ever used a floppy disk. I’m about a generation too late for a floppy disk to be useful, but I remember having them around. I think I used them as coasters, or something.

All I remember from those days is that everything was exceptionally noisy. Booting up your computer sounded like you were jump-starting an aircraft carrier, and connecting to the Intertunnel was about as quiet as a ten-car pileup. Technology wasn’t that subtle, and I liked it better that way. Now you can never tell if something’s working, because you don’t hear any loud grinding or whirring. You needed ear protection if you wanted to operate a computer for more than a few minutes.

They don’t make computers like they used to. Nowadays, you can use a laptop that doesn’t make any noise at all, except for when the battery explodes and sets your house on fire. I much preferred it when a computer was the size of a Frigidaire, and belched out huge plumes of smoke every time you entered a line of code.

Call me old fashioned, but I really can’t be the only person who prefers the woefully inefficient to the new and spiffy. Someone out there must prefer being around something that’s loud, smelly, and poorly designed — it’s the only way I’ll ever get a girlfriend.